The Essential Benefits of Strong Boundaries
What makes all of the work worth it.
By Robin Arnett, LCSW
Setting boundaries can feel like a lot of work, especially at first. There can be tricky dynamics to handle both internally and externally. That’s why it’s so important to know that there are many incredible benefits to setting boundaries in the long run. Keep these benefits in mind when you are connecting with your intentions to remind yourself of your “why.” These benefits happen internally, and in our relationships.
Internal Benefits
Reduced Stress
Common symptoms of poor boundaries include overcommitment and lack of self-care. Boundary setting allows you to take back your time and energy so that you can prioritize what is important for you and your well-being instead of trying to solve everyone’s problems for them. With that comes reduced stress in all areas of life.
More Energy and Time
When you set and hold strong boundaries, you’ll be saying “no” to a lot of tasks and commitments that don’t serve your greatest good. When you start saying “no,” you free up time and energy for what you really want and need to do. You’ll be getting back time, energy, and enthusiasm that may have felt lost for years.
Increased Creativity, Balance, and Joy
With the increased energy and time that strong boundaries bring, you’ll be creating space for parts of yourself that were subsumed by other people’s needs. You’ll also be decreasing unnecessary tasks and commitments, as well as constant internal chatter. Into that space can come a natural creativity and joy that’s been waiting there all along. Prioritizing your time and energy also leads to an experience of greater life balance.
Improved Self-Esteem and Self-Worth
Boundaries are an assertion that your wants, needs, and preferences matter. Many people who struggle with boundaries also struggle with self-worth and self-esteem, but the beauty of boundary setting is that you can build from the outside in. When you act as if you are worthy (even if you don’t feel it yet 100%), you are sending a message to yourself and others that will grow exponentially over time. When you act as if you matter, you create your own truth.
Authenticity and Integrity
Bounary setting is about honesty. When you express yourself honestly in relationships and refuse the role of martyr, you become a person who is living in authenticity and integrity. Not only does this lead to internal peace, but it also makes you a safe person to the people around you. People will know that you are taking care of yourself, and won’t feel that they need to do that for you. They will also know that you are someone that says what they mean, and means what they say (with kindness, of course). With strong and healthy boundaries, you will be somebody that can be trusted.
Relational Benefits
Reduced Resentment
Resentment is a sign that a boundary needs to be put in place, and is also a sign that you are allowing others to have control of how you feel. When you take your power back by setting boundaries, you reduce resentment and improve the energy in your relationships. Even if you think you are hiding it well, we can all feel the tension when resentment is brewing. Boundary setting helps you to clear the air.
Decreased Blow-Ups and Shut-Downs
Boundary setting is proactive. Being intentional about expressing yourself means that you avoid the blow-ups and shut-downs that happen so often when we get fed up. We don’t get to opt out of uncomfortable situations in our lives, but we can choose to confront them head on with intention, vs. cleaning up a mess when it all boils over.
Deeper, More Honest Connections
In large part, setting boundaries is about being honest and authentic with our desires, preferences, and needs. When we are honest about what we need and how we feel, we bring a fuller version of ourselves to the table in our relationships. You’ll be bringing more vulnerability into your connections, which means going deeper and truer. People often worry that boundary setting is mean because setting boundaries means telling the truth. But honesty is the only way to foster resilient connection that allows everyone to be their full selves.
Healthy Modeling
Finally, good boundaries set an example for everyone else around you, especially kids. Think about the kinds of relationships you would like someone little that you love to have, and that will be a great starting place to think about your own boundaries and the standards that you need to set.
Permanent Impacts
Perhaps the greatest benefit to getting a practice of boundary setting in place is that, once you do the work and maintain it consistently, the rewards that you reap are essentially permanent. There will be a lot of work on the front end, and you will likely have to go through a few cycles of repetition and reinforcement; but once you’ve firmly established your boundaries, you will continue to experience improved relationships, better self-esteem, and living in your integrity for the rest of your life.
If you’re looking for a place to get started, scroll down for more blog posts on the topic of boundaries. If you’d like to take it further, the Intuitive Boundaries Mastery Series is a comprehensive 10-part course that includes in-depth information on why it is common for women to struggle with boundaries, how to work with those barriers, tools for boundary-setting in your real life, and journal prompts and grounding exercises to support your journey. Check it out to begin setting yourself on a path to all of these amazing benefits, with a lifetime of positive change.
